A Sound of Music Song Comes to Mind and Goodbye. . .

My final post (sad face):

Well, it's taken me about a month to do it, but I think I finally am over all the negative emotions I've had attached to teaching. For the past month, all I've done is sleep, eat, watch tv, and work out. I feel pretty successful. Unfortunately, the result of burning out of DOING so many things is my all-consuming, burning desire to do NOTHING! I want to write more, but my desire to do nothing far outweighs that desire. Today was the first day that I actually got some things done. I felt quite accomplished. Although, I feel quite accomplished every day in my goal to do nothing. . . but that's a whole other topic altogether. :)

In honor of my last blog on this website, I leave you with a list of things I will miss about teaching. It's taken this long to throw off all the negative emotions in order to focus only on the positive, happy things.

Here is my official list:

1. My fellow teachers - I could not have enjoyed teaching so much if it weren't for the wonderful people with which I worked: April, Marci, Doc, Mac, Shelley, Denise, Kaydene, Julie, and my mom.

2. The kids - even though I didn't care for discipline, fond memories will stay with me more than the painful ones. Stephen Shearer, Hayden Cummings, Victoria Macaluso, Magan Creel, Hannah Webb, Shelby Cheek, Christina Miranda, Rebecca Everett, Daniel DeAndrea, Jarrett Bornstadt, Cameron Dornan, Landon Hull, Santana Fletcher, Alli Mason, Arlin Flores, Stacen
Dockery, Bennett Coleman, Ashley Shuler.

3. Music - If I hadn't have gone to the seminar that I did Summer of 08, I don't know how I'd have gotten through my last year. That was the best money I didn't spend! :)

4. PEGS - Same place I learned about the music, I learned about how to memorize lists using pegs. I couldn't have made it through my history class without it.

5. Latin - Mmmm. I love Latin. That was a gift from heaven that AHA asked me to teach Latin. I never had so much fun teaching a subject. I wish I could do it some more - without the lesson plans and discipline. :)

6. Spirit Day Fridays - It was nice to only have to dress up four days a week instead of five. Even though both sweatsuits were made for men and somewhat uncomfortable for me, I still loved not having to wear "real" clothes.

7. Foot injuries - if it weren't for my three foot surgeries, I would not have gotten to wear flip
flops! Huzzah for that!

8. Working in China - I loved working in the portables. Since it was so far removed from the rest of the school, I always called it working in China. There were less principle visits because of it!

9. Working for my Mom to get my feet wet - I don't think I would have made it in the teaching profession if I didn't have those first two years working for my mom and having classes of no more than seven kids. Pure bliss for a beginning teacher.

10. Suzanne and Mike - it was a short time we had together, but I would not have enjoyed my certification classes without them. I will always have a fond spot in my heart for them.

11. Kaydene and Julie - What a blessing it was to have them the last year working at LCA. I could not have goofed off so effectively if not for them. I'm thankful that they're still in my life.

12. A new year - each new year meant a new year to decorate! Even though I move quite frequently, I still do not get to decorate as much as I did when there was a new school year. Quite delightful and fun.

13. Friendships with kids - I loved that AHA encouraged discipleship relationships with our kids. That's my favorite part of teaching is forming relationships, so to have full liscense to hang out with the kids after school was awesome!

14. Free time on my off periods - Those were surely some quality moments to (1 write this blog and (2 detox from having so much to do in a class period.

15. Humor - The fun part of my personality is what got me through the stressful moments. Instead of lashing out in anger, I just did foolish things and yelled foolish exclamations in order to release the anger. It was both humorous to my system and to the kids.

16. Constantly learning things - While the kids learned new things, so did I! Especially teaching Latin.

I'm sure I can add to this list, but these are just a few of my favorite things about teaching that I will hold in my heart with a great fondness.

And then the end will come. . .

It's almost over - my life as a teacher.

Having been only a four year journey, there is not a whole lot to grieve over. I mean, four years. Big whoop in the grand scheme of things. So, I'm not unhappy. I'm not sad. I'm just relieved. I CANNOT wait to walk away from these perpetual feelings of stress that have bombarded my body for so long. I cannot even remember the last time I remember my shoulders not aching under the stress of teaching.

This will be my almost last entry. I'm going to wait a few more weeks so I can detoxify myself so I can share with you the highlights of my last four years. But I need to rest first.

I bid you adieu. . .

Inspirational Quote:

"Baptism is putting you in a tub of water - spiritually."

Swimming in Grace and then the Foolish Beauties were Defenestrated

Well, it finally happened. I enjoyed my Bible class today. I don't know if I could say that was true at any other point this year. I've felt like all I do it redirect people to the issues being talked about, not actually hearing their hearts or going very deep. It's been quite frustrating.

So, I started off the class talking about how they need to push through and stay excellent until the end of the year and gave them my example of my persevering through my time working in the kitchen at IHOP. I guess there was just an openness of heart this morning because they were sitting there in rapt attention. We talked about the importance of faithfulness, not being able to know their hearts because of the size of the class, me being stressed out by having to discipline, sex, enculturation due to watching movies and tv, the importance of everything being viewed from the heart, our need for acceptance, oral sex, making out, etc. . . And the whole time, they just sat there and listened!!! It was the most peaceful, delightful class ever.

Then, in 8th Latin, it felt like their hearts were open, so we listened to my favorite sermonette - The Nature of God. They sat there, took notes, had good points they discussed, and again, there was peace. For the first time in a long time, I'm sitting here with very little tension in my shoulders and not simply ready to run home and hop in bed to sleep. It's been an infinitely tender gift from Jesus. I am boundlessly blessed. Thank you, Jesus, your grace is without fail.

Together, together, EVERYONE!

Throughout my scant four years of teaching, I've come to conclude one major theme: children must interact with each other to learn well. It seems that this must stem from the foundation of who we are - we are made to live in community. I know this is in the heart of God - the need to be with others, but it displays itself so effectively in the classroom setting. Kids are not happy unless they are talking and interacting with others. So, why are our classrooms so teacher focused? I know I get tired of hearing myself talk. I get tired of standing up there and telling everyone to be quiet! So, I try to, as much as possible, get everyone talking so they'll actually want to listen when I speak! We were made for community!!!!

Let Go, Let Flow

Teaching, lots of students, smiling faces, cute dimples, lots of words, tension in my shoulders from interrupting myself to call on someone for talking, disrespect, "aha!" moments, happiness, chatter, must work in groups, social, socializing, work with people, made to live in community, isolation breeds negative spirit, release of anxiety through laughing, making fun, stuck in the middle of being a child and being an adult, hating responsibility, needing relief from so many burdens and responsibility, I don't feel like I was created to be in a position of so much responsibility, but am I using that as an excuse, or am I really that way, interruptions, can't keep a train of thought, using planning period for unuseful things, or are they really unuseful, am I being persuaded by thoughts and opinions of the doer/planners around me?, why must refining events be so hard, do kids really hear me when I talk?, am I just talking to myself?, how to I make Bible more fun with twenty-two kids in my class and all they want to do is talk, I don't know how to control my emotions better than what I am doing now, but there is always room for improvement, teaching seems to be a lesson in teaching but teaching myself, how can I not have compassion for those who do not know how to act, they must be taught, they want to be heard, I have little patience for their little squirrely ways, but I want them to feel loved and accepted by me. I wonder what it would be like to teach kids who don't have sin natures? What would life be like if I had the utmost patience for all their shinanegans? What would it be like to actually enjoy planning and doing, accomplishing and disciplining? What will life be like getting my masters? Will I be less stressed than I am now? If I don't have the daily trial of school, where will my refinement come from? Everything feels so hard. No wonder I have negative coping mechanisms. . .

Throwing Giraffes into a Volcano Does Not Make It Rain

Blogs are hard to keep up with if all you feel like you do is work. Just an observation. Not that I'm working so much that I can't blog, my shoulders are constantly tight, and it's hard to remember what you were doing a second ago for all the thoughts running around in your head. I absolutely do not work hard at all.

In honor of the above statements, I give you my very own limerick that I made up to expunge some particularly zealous feelings for the amount of work I don't do at all. For all you religious people, there is a "bad" word in it, so you might want to avert your eyes if you feel like you're about to be slimed. I'm just sayin'. :)

There once was a teacher who was tired
Who wanted to sleep, but knew she’d be fired.
But who’s gonna tell?
They’ll all go to hell.
Then with grading papers she won’t be so mired.

So, I realize all the above statements were a bit harsh, overly sarcastic, and achingly depressing, but I am none of the above. Some sharp acerbic wit doesn't hurt every once in a while, especially if barely anyone reads this blog. :)

On a happy note,

There once was a ebulliently insouciant girl
Who loved to spend all day in a twirl.
She lived for seeing her friends
And never had to make amends
For her kindness endeared and caused hearts to unfurl.